Birthdays; happy or otherwise,

The thing about happiness and sadness that makes it what it is the odd times it seems to greet us. It's my birthday today. My birthdays and I have always had a love-hate relationship (well, more hate than love really). They seem to be lacking a certain .. zing. You always expect something big. Not for yourself alone, no, something like an assassination or natural calamity. It's morbid but under the layers of disturbing content is the simple fact that everyone wants to leave an impact on the world. Everyone wants to bring about a change. No one wants to die unnoticed. Everyone wants to be remembered.

So when that clock struck 11.30, with a heavy heart I braced myself for a feeling of not having achieved enough, leaving a print on the globe (except for a sizable carbon one).

Then the first call came. Expected. The caller? Not so much. The fact that he remembered and called me and talked for all that time was heartening. Then the next, and another. Twelve calls and two texts later, I write this blog.

My mind keeps reverting back to the close friend that hasn't called. Disappointment, settles in for the night.

But as I toy with my phone, I see my call history and realise something. Maybe it isn't about who forgot, who couldn't give a fuck and just maybe, it is about the fourteen people who stayed up till midnight for me.

Maybe it's time I let go of my dissatisfactions.

Maybe it's time I let go of my regrets.

Maybe it's time I stop letting the past hurt my present and taint my future.

Maybe it's time I forgive & forget.

Maybe it's time I let go of those who hurt me and embrace those who always pick up the pieces afterwards.

Will I be able to, only time will tell.

For now, I shall take the advice of a dear friend and try to have a "happy" birthday.